Waxing

It has been a while since I wrote something other than random pieces of poetry. Which is weird I have not really felt the need to write, and if I started writing something randomly for no reason at all well. Does not feel right does it?

The other reason why I do not seem to be writing a lot is because I always get the best ideas just before I got to sleep. Which just because I really am finding it difficult to get to sleep I just say well ill write about it tomorrow.

Tomorrow never comes, sooooo last night I just went a head and made an alarm and just now it went off and hence here I am writing.

The title well, I was thinking why we keep enduing small amounts of painful things or uncomfortable things for a long period of time rather than get it done and over with. Where am I going with this? I mean I am currently spending days trig to find some form of motivation to study or get material in my head but it takes ages for me to even start focusing and let alone the effort which it takes for me to keep focused.

The thing is if I get it done and over with I feel amazing, I can then relax and have, you know the rest of the day free.

Taking an other example it is really funny, I mean we all went there, having that person or those people in your life. That habit, or thing which you know is not making you happy but you go, but if I am with out it I am worse of.

Truth be told you will be better off and you know it. You will be better off if you do a little bit of training every day. You will hold yourself from that extra bar of chocolate, see the doctor. Or simply break it off with that person who has been draining your energy or emotions.

The question which is really puzzling me and that I do not know why, myself included that is, why do we keep hanging on to false hope, to that thread of sometimes imagination.

That it will get better.

Experience has more often than not showed us other wise, yet we keep on believing that something will turn right if we try hard enough. The very definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over against expecting a different result.

Perhaps, but what I think I have been doing wrong, just though of it while writing this, man I really should write more its therapeutic almost. Side tracked.

WHAT if we do the same thing, just slightly differently, work in a different way do the things we want, painful, annoying or those that slow us down, just so slightly differently. Maybe hey the only factor you needed to change was maybe how you see exams. Or changing the subject rather than working your way though the last bit of work in a false attemept or strike at hope to be able to reach the end.

In the end it is all perception.

Music

It burns,

it cries

Yelling

Screaming

Moaning

Crying

Laughing

Dancing

Its cold

yet hot

passion

dead

empty

full

alive or dead

no one knows, its a song

a track, a soul

a piece of imagination

a string of sounds

placed one after an other, dancing together in a matrix of

matter

moving

up

down

sideways

left

right

right and left

yet these sounds,

these movements

we listen to,

reverberating into the abyss that is space,

ending, when nothing starts

a complex mesh of memories

we strang together

so we can remind ourselves of times past

of times to happen

or just simply

that we are indeed alive.

The curb

I was sitting,
bathing in the cold moon light.

The street lamps damping the light
fresh and cold
emotionless
flooding the streets around me.

Yet I was sitting there,
smoking my cigarette,
sipping my beer.

The children were talking,
playing behind me

the streets were filled with their
laughter
the thud of the ball
hitting bouncing

I still sat,
in a world of my own
ignoring the reality

building around me
what I wanted comfort.

as I waited for the onslaught
of my inner daemons to hit
a wall
hit me.

They came
my troubles

my daily deeds,
my daily troubles,
my work,
my studies,

but at that moment
the world stood still

but for the smoke rising from
my cigarette but
and the crumpled beer can falling

in the bin

the world stood still
and  I could get back up
from

my moment of isolation
my moment to myself

I was ready to get back at it.

Rain

Heavy... Pressure... Beating, holding down. Holding your breath, Remembering the day I first jumped Feeling the anticipation Feeling the air rush by So slow So fast Breathing Holding Ice Cold Water Moving around, enveloping You sink Deeper Deeper You start losing Breath Air Stop Swift Strokes Open Eye Burning pain You see the light though a haze of red and blue You move Running out of air. Till the surface is Broken Yet I am Dry How am I still drowning?

Arts Festival!

This is something that I do not usually do, since I have a tendency to write after something has happened, and give a full recount of what is happening then this happened.

My nose led me to what I believed to be Chicken wings, do not judge me! However I found much much more, there was everything, music, food, CAKES! Yet the best thing of all was not these things was the fact that there was such a warm atmosphere, a hustle and bustle that is rarely seen at the University of Malta.

THEN all over you can find a large number of items, pieces of art, clothing and many small treats (the cakes tempted me a slight bit to much). Go explore and tell me what you think of this experience, which comes from when a large number of student organisations are able to get together and work for a common aim as seen by the large number of organisations who joined in this event.  (JEF, DESA, TDM2000, ASCS, HOASA and USPA.)

Take this chance to bask a bit in the last dregs of sun before winter fully sets in and we are all coped up inside studying for our exams, so let us enjoy our days at university and get some good Christmas Cheer on!

For more details look up the Facebook event, this is going on till tonight late.

Facebook Event: Found Here

The Night, The Moon and The Sun

It's a full moon,

Time has passed 

And once again

the world is flooded

in 

silver

The night,

such a beautiful

reflection of the 

sun

is

it?

The moon, 

for me is much more,

a full moon

is the light at the 

end of

the tunnel

why so?

is our life not?

A life under the sun?

A life of pleasure and serenity?

of

course,

yet we have stories,

heard all of the pains,

the troubles we live

the light at the

end of 

the tunnel

what is that light 

but the moon,

the full moon in 

all of its glory

the moon

a reflection of 

something much greater 

than itself,

giving hope 

in the darkest 

of 

our life

the light at the end 

gives us the will

to go on 

to 

never

stop fighting

for what we believe

in 

for what we care

about

That is why for me

the moon

is the best part of my day

A friend who once a month

reminds me 

that magic can truly exist

that I can be who I am

that what ever is happening

good 

or

bad

life goes on

and all you have to do 

is take a deep 

breath

and live the

now.

Gabiel Santiago from Unsplashed

The nymph's dance

She dances a dance unlike any other,

For her the music is the world,

A unique world,

Her world.

None can see what she sees,

None can hear what she hears,

Dancing under the rain,

With the Winds

Jumping into rays of sun,

Swirling atop waves.

Her beauty is hidden,

For only a few to see,

Even those who glimpse

The world she walks

is not the world we walk

she lives

apart from us

however it has been my pleasure

dancing with her

while she visited us

Lamentation of Love

I'll be honest,
All that,
I ever asked.

Was to be loved,
Not by you,
Nor them.

No, I wanted to,
be
Loved.

Why me?

Becuase,
I love with,
Abaddon,

Reckless,
Pure,
Dangerous,
Love.

I want to feel,
This,
Love.

I want it,
to come,
to me,

But,
It does not,
Yet,

This drives me more.

To Love,
Harder,
Stronger.

Thus,
I grow,
Empty
I am draining,

Slowly turning,
into an
empty shell,

of,
sadness,
despair,

I feel alone,
not because,
I am.

No.

Because no one,
is willing to
love me.

With, The same,
The same, Passion,
The same, Desire.

So,

I learnt to,
Steal,
this Love.

Every Hug,
Every Kiss,
Every bit of warmth,

Allows me,
To move,
Forward.

Because if,
I do not,
I will die.

Inside,

Become a ghost,
Perhaps,
a Vampire.

Maybe I am,
Already one,
Burning in the sunlight.

but,

How can I know,
for the one thing,
I do not see.

is

Myself. 

Twenty Two

It seems as if it was yesterday, that I first walked in to sixth form. The excitement of finally going into the world of adults, the excitement of learning and experiencing something new. I was ready to face the world and be myself, not grow up, live my dreams. It was yesterday that I gave my first speech, the first time I stood up and spoke in front of others, gave people a small peak into my mind.

Learning what it meant to finally tell the world, YES this is me. Come on, bring it on!

It was yesterday that I started working in student activism, being an active citizen living the life of a responsible. It was yesterday that I realized if I am just crazy enough, if I am just mad enough. I will, I can change the world. It was yesterday that I went to America and lived my great big adventure, met so many new people and become part of something greater than that I ever was.

It was yesterday that I first fell in love, truly and absolutely, completely and with pure abandon. I closed my eyes and three years passed with out me noticing. It was yesterday that I wrote my first blog ever. It was yesterday that I got into university and started studying science, learning about the incritsies of the world. The small details the magic that makes us, us. It was yesterday for the first time in my life, my intellect did not keep up and it was yesterday that  I for the first time in my life tasted failure.

It was yesterday that I got into a fight with my parents over every last single detail that I ever got into a fight with them about. It was yesterday that I suffered heart ache, pain beyond belief, sleepless nights. It was yesterday that I had to start over from scratch and try to set my life straight.

It was yesterday that...I grew up. I grew up and I didn't realize, it is today that I realize that. I am old, I grew up.

Do not take me wrong, this is not entirely a bad thing, rather it is change, and we must embrace change, but when it comes at you at such a rate. So sudden that you do not know what is happening anymore, that is when you wake up. Cruel reality comes knocking at your door and you do not know what is going to happen now.

I failed, I failed at so much this year, I failed university, I lost so many close friends, me just a year ago would have cried and sat in a corner waiting for all of it to go away. I would have just at down and done nothing about it.

What did  I do now? Well I looked what was wrong and started from there.

I started a new course, I failed? There is nothing to do about it, lets start from scratch, I found something that I love doing and decided to focus as much as I can on it and build what ever I can from that.

I am once more heart broken, I am in pain, terrible pain yes but, I know it will go away. For once I am not being told that I just need time, I am telling myself its ok, soon enough you will find someone else who you will be enthralled by and you will try your best to be with them. It is the course of life, it is how it goes.

Yet with all of this I miss that magic, the magic I had the will I had. The iron will and determination that I knew I could beat the world if I just tried hard enough. Disillusioned maybe, perhaps insane, yet  I was happy. My dear grandpa, who I look up to so much always tells me, I envy your positivism.  You never seem to give up, what ever comes your way you some how try to find the good in it.

Perhaps that was me, now I do not know anymore, perhaps now I understand why Grandpa and my parents always told me what they did. I do not hate them anymore, I do not despise them for shutting down my dreams. I understand and appreciate what they have told me. For it is what they have and are experiencing their life.

LIFE

GETS BORING.

Why? Well we can now start at some point in life, maturity, be able to tell the changes that happen around us and predict what is going to happen. We have all noticed that if you put your finger and run it across a knife you will get cut. That is when we start living our life judging the future from our past, building on what we had.

Not on what we can be not on what we can do, but on what has happened.

My parents always tell me that when they were at my age they had figured out what they wanted to do with their life. They ask me time and time again, what is your plan. I tell them I want to live, I want to be able to enjoy life to the full and be able to survived. I do not want to live my life chained to anyone place.

Well I tell them, that was my line. now what is my line  I do not know, it is something else.

I am looking, still looking, one thing I know I still have my dreams and my hopes and aspirations. Those will never burn out, those will stay with me for as long as I can hope to be.

The world is large place, if there is anything that I have learnt however, once you stop looking, that is when you will find everything.

So I gave you all a rant, for what reason?

Does there have to be a reason?

Dublin | Airbnb 2

Post Number 3, wuhuuuu

so what are we talking about now, oh yes before I forget.

The next few hours were covered with lectures from a number of people who were focused on showing us the amazingness of Airbnb, and why working there even though working there meant working over 50-60 hours per week. Was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Now lets analyse this part by part, they kept showing us statistics, showing us how large the company has grown and how nice the company is to them. The only problem I have had with this that we had three speakers, all of the m amazing and very energetic people who know what they are doing.

Or do they?

We had them speak to us one after the other, yet when it came down to it, we had 45 minutes of the hour we had with everyone with the same numbers or very slight differences. We had them speaking to us about how they are being treated by the company.

Mind you they are treated like kings, they get a free mac book, they get food given to them at the work place, some of the best coffee (we covered this before). They get a masseuse every month, and they share recourses. They are given everything they need so that they do not feel bad living in the work place. This shows that they company managed to create an environment that their workers are willing to work for far longer and not feel the need to go home and rest.

At the same time, when they all spoke, I got the same feeling form all of them. What the hell am I doing right now. The whole company the whole structure, just has a feeling of being brand new. Like when you get your new phone and you still do not know what the button does. Or how to make it play music, or simply take a screen shot.

That's the feeling I got from Airbnb, its a brand new flagship product launched in a fashion that not even the owners know how to use it yet. The potential, is incredible beyond anything we can yet imagine its a company with so much potential.

That is what I think Airbnb is.

Something that not even its founders know the possibilities of.

Dublin | Airbnb

The second day started with a lot of moaning and struggling to get out of bed. Shake off the hang over which was sticking to me like a sheet of duct tape. This was done by crawling into the shower, and have a nice long bath.

This did in fact make me miss a nice Irish breakfast, which I must say upset me significantly. However, what I really was looking forward to was the breakfast that was promised to me at Airbnb. Then followed up by the experience, something which I could never have excepted, however more on that later on.

FIRST LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!

This was on a random bridge me tring to level up my selfie taking skills.

Then lets enjoy some of the scenery.

This was from a bridge while crossing over into the business district it was honestly amazing.

Wait, I was talking about Airbnb here right. SORRY! Got sidetracked a bit, honestly so much was happening that it sort of got in the way a bit, anyway, so here is how it went.

You walk into this place, which looks like a pub, honestly. It had draught beer and everything really, a fully stocked pub. While we were registering we made friends with our tour guide and of course the first person to talk to us. While shaking hands vigorously with the suit of Armour which happened to be lying around randomly. 

Then the big shock.

Three whole stories of people, row after row of desks, open plan office. Not a single barrier between each worker, for someone from outside like I was it was complete chaos, the chaos that one finds when they enter a house. Yes you read right, they looked like a gigantic family of 450 or so people. The amount of white astounded me, and this is something that made me cringe a bit, the amount of Macs to be seen. Then I was told, that the company makes sure that every person gets a Mac book, the moment they come in the building. They are given anything and everything they need. 

There is no me in the building there is us. 

Us, included the people who visited, we were waved at welcomed as if it was nothing. People made way for us, gave us space, directed us, opened doors. This was just insane, how amazing the place was.

After climbing to the top of the building we where given some of the most amazing breakfast I ever had. Fresh food, available buffet style, open for everyone, drinks, coffee anything you want available for you.

This is just a small drink area. (sorry for the bad photo I was rushing about)

It seems I might need to make this post into two since I have been just talking about the first few hours of the day. Then again there was so much to see and notice and comment about.

So with that I will leave you waiting for post number 3,

To be continued.

Dublin. Day one

So I arrived into the city though the airport, with my first though being.

Damn it's cold, but actually it's nice. This came after leaving Malta in sweltering heat, with temperatures rising up to 25-30 degrees due to Sun and humidity.

Anyway already tangenting, but yes my first thought. So I get out and meet Aneta who was going to the same place I was going. We get the bus and I get one of the loveliest trips though Dublin by night.

You know how usually you arrive to a country and you are like. $*@^/* WHERE AM I? HOW DO I GET THERE? /*#; $&#^

None of that, absolutely none of that. We arrived at the hotel (amazing hotel btw really bueatiful) Then that when I met with Matea, Pipiz and obviously the one and the only Mario. They are some of the most lovely people (and crazy) (I repeat bloody insane) I have met in a long time.

Since for most of us this was the first time in Dublin we went out hunting for a pint of Guinness. Man it was amazing, the night turned into a series of meet ups, dancing to Irish music or as a Brit once told me, Irish propaganda. Drinking (really expensive) beer, whisky and mead.

Then walking though the city at night, with Mario looking for beer (they so not sell beer after 10pm in non lisenced shops) and not finding anything.

When we got home. I know we where happy, and I knew I had just made some pretty amazing friends.

Dublin (1/3)

posted from Bloggeroid

Sitting at a pub

Well I will give my comments do not doubt about my study trip which has opened my eyes in more ways then one.

However I got to describe the sensation of sitting down enjoying a quiet pint at a pub. A rather beautiful pub which I found attached withy hotel.

It feels, homely, quiet, calm and the Guinness goes the extra mile to calm me down to a complete stand still. It has been a long day, lots of walking a sprinkle of a crash course about what is looking to become one of the fastest growing industries in history.

The pub with it's lightening, the Myer of the crowd and the ambiance is lovely.

I understand what is truely one of the most beautiful aspects of this city.

Dublin, your pubs have taken my heart.

posted from Bloggeroid

Bus stops

Bus stops everywhere, and yet not a bus to be seen. This situation is getting to the point of beyond ridiculously ridiculous. I am at a loss on how this country works, and I am even more grateful that I have a bicycle allowing me to get anywhere I need really fast and easy.

Then again I cannot take the bicycle with me into the Cinema, can I. Thus starts my journey to get on a bus.

First thing I realise, what the he'll was going though people's minds when they made the time table?

I understand there being a much smaller demand on Sundays since people staying indoors and or go around in their personal cars.

But wait, so instead of having 3-4 busses passing everywhere hour. Now we have 1 on Sunday's.

The question obviously is then, if the bus actually passes or not from said locations. It can get to a stage where not bus passes for hours or then a huge number of them pass at once.

Why is there this inconsistency in our systems? Who knows, what I know is judging by my friends Facebook walls, judging by the number of students, workers, commuters who complain non stop. Day in day out being heard on the news. Traffic jams starting at 6 am. People waking up earlier and earlier to get to work, school and who knows what else.

Think of all the hours wasted. Think of all the time that is lost? Is that not money? Think about it, if your job pays you 5e an hour and it takes you 1-2 hours to get there and 1-2 hours to get home.

The job would be not just a normal 8 hour shift, it would be a 10-12 hour shift. If you do the maths the lost 4 hours would have been better spent even sleeping rather then on transport.

There I ranted now it's out of my systems....
and yet the bus is still not here!

posted from Bloggeroid

Malta tal-Maltin

MALTA TAL-MALTIN!

KICK OUT ANY INTRUDERS!

KICK OUT ANY IMMIGRANTS!

Shall we start kicking out all those immigrants? Shall we start taking out boat by boat, plane by plane all those who came to this island.

Wait wait, does that mean Joe from down the road who came from America needs to leave as well? Or what about Francesco, the Italian who opened that pastry shop ten years ago? One minute, don't I have some ancestor who comes from Syria, or England.

What makes a Maltese a Maltese? Think about it for a second?

Let's start with our history, Malta's entire history is built on trade, a center of trade in the Mediterranean. That meant sailors, merchants, slaves and all kinds of 'immigration' happened. Creating one of the most culturally diverse places possible in the Mediterranean occurring.

That means, we, the Maltese are actually a conglomeration of centuries of immigration, legal, illegal, forced or other wise. Our genetic code itself is a patch work made up of all possible combinations. This is what happens when one lives at the cross roads of the world.

One of our most famous irregular immigrants. Find a wonderful article about the story of St Paul on Think Magazine.

Now we are yet again the cross roads once more, we are between Africa and Europe. That means wave after wave of irregular immigrants are coming trying to escape the chaos, poverty and war being ravaged in the south. Apart from this, Europe itself is suffering from a gigantic influx of immigrates from the east, with people escaping the war in Syria, and more importantly escaping ISIS.

So, do you really want to keep Malta for the Maltese?

Then tell me, what defines a Maltese person?

Someone who looks and talks in a particularly trashy way. Someone who acts or dresses in a specific manner. Why do I keep periodically see some really close friends and some people I highly respect being trashed on social media?

Why do they get trashed? They get trashed because they have a different skin colour, or belief. They get trashed because they are humans who are different from the norm, but are not scared of being so. Maltese citizens though and though, never had to integrate with our culture but this is their culture. They grew up in Malta, and they know nothing else, they do not have an other culture which they have to integrate into ours, because our culture is theirs.

So please next time that you see someone who slightly divergest from the norm, think twice before telling them to go back home, because it could be right next door to yours.

A fellow citizen of Malta, like you and me.

Water and a bunch of crazy freshers.

This year, I decided to attend the famous Water Fight done by two of the craziest faculties at my university. I went to the side and found two massive water tanks holding the limits of the battle. The objective is simple, find the president of the organisation, and drag them to the other end. It is essentially a tug of war, with two people being beated the crap out of.

The Horde

Well two people...before we get into the end of the story, let us enjoy some details.

The scene is set, then a horde of people shows up, all dressed up in black. War paint on, screaming murder armed to their teeth with water balloons, carrying flags, and while chanting non stop. All this to challenge their mortal enemies the Law students to appear. Who seemingly, and one would understand their reluctance for approaching the architecture students who looked like Daemons, did not want to come out.

The Lawyers Show up.

However they soon came out all clad in white and blue. The 'People of justice', as if you can find an honest laywer BUTTT I digress. Carring a massive banner taunting the architecture students, however as soon as they appeared they were received with the first shots. Huge water pipes were opened, and the massacre started, with a massive push being carried out by SACES who took control of the situation and dived for Nigel, the President of Elsa.

With credit to the President, I have to take my hat off for him. I have never before seen someone so determined to not being carried. He fought non stop, his shirt ended being torn off him, completely drowning in a sea of black. However it was clearly inevitable, the law students tried to make a stand however it was to no avail since they had no idea what was happening.

Thus SACES for an other year took the crown once more.

Honestly, thought, I was unimpressed by one thing.

Free Shower in 3..2..1

I WAS SHOWERED FROM HEAD TO TOE! and I was just standing in the sidelines...

BUT it was a pretty amazing experience!!! Wuhu.!!

Unlikely Friend

I have not had such a pleasure to walk this street.
A street which had become my friend,
Quite, a dear and close friend.

I walked laughing,
I walked crying,
I walked scheming,
I walked dancing,
I walked happy,
I walked sad,
Heartbroken,
In love.

This street has seen me go
Walk home.

Never uttering a word,
Never speaking its mind,

Yet,

Today,
I saluted my old friend,

Met him again after such a long time,
Did not belive what I missed,

Peace and calm,
Washed over the body of mine.

Thinking of a time,
Yet to come.

And a smile creeps to my face,
My raise my head,
Feeling the breeze,
Today I say,
Today new days are coming.

Days which are filled with the unknown.

Days which are filled with the ink of my own imagination.

posted from Bloggeroid

Moon

The moon,
A moody moon,

Slowly hiding,
Rather fading

Clouds of dust,
Dirt and grime

Hit the rays
Of the night.

We sat and watched,
Waited and paced.

Hope

Endlessly for
The moon

To shine yet
Again.

posted from Bloggeroid

Summer, Catacombs and photos.

This should have been written a long time ago, buttttttttttttttttt I never got my hands on the photos that came that day.

So here I am writing with out those sources of inspiration that I had. Hoping that my memory can serve me about the day I had the chance to visit the Catacombs of St Paul for the first time.

Being a tour guide is not easy in Malta, there is simply to much to see. I mean literally every five minutes you will come across something of interest, now be it a 2000 year old ruin, a hastily put together DIY repair being carried out or some random activity happening.

So when I was asked where would be a great place to visit, I pointed towards Mdina, because why not?

Who did  I drag with me

hehehe

he did not enjoy it I promise.

Stikku.

Anyway, so we go to Imdina, meet up with our foreigners, who shall be known from hence forth, camera girl and shadow finder. Why such names, well I think camera girl is easy to explain, anything that can be photographed (I AM WAITING FOR THOSE PHOTOS) has been photographed. While shadow finder, no she is not a fantasy hero, she is simply someone who can find the smallest of shadows and use it to hide against any sun ray possible.

But I digress, so we arrive at Imdina, usual stuff, photos of the walls, on the walls, with the walls. Photos with the cannons, pretty boring stuff really. Yet somehow, I still feel that sense of awe that I get every time I set foot in that place. It is as if I am covered with a blanket of feelings that I cannot explain, the history that place has is immeasurable. The things that happened there, I do not think anyone can ever imagine what passed on inside those walls, rather on the top of that hill.

After that, we still had time to kill, so we start running around Rabat, trying to find a place to visit and see...

that is when we ended at the catacombs of St Paul.

... Imdina Summer 2015 (1/3)

Summer: Sangria, Dreams and Valletta

Recently I had the pleasure to share a very nice bottle of wine with someone like me. She is a dreamer, a flair for the unexpected and usual. Making every little thing, grow bigger, nicer, better.

All by making it bigger, better and nicer inside our head.

Thus from walking down the road of Valletta, talking and chatting about notebooks, writing and how we share our stories. (Well I do not really have a note book, BUT I do have this blog :D) We ended sitting down on a table with the number 18 on it. ( Side note, this is my favourite number) Listing to Jazz, smiling like idiots, and then we both closed our eyes.

All of a sudden, I was wearing a suit, a silver watch, a blue tie, while sipping my whisky. She was wearing a long black dress, with a green stash, it was sleeveless, but then she had long delicate gloves , bright green. Her hair was long and flowing, and she was cradling her wine glass with a spark of mischief in her eye.

Then we were back,

looking at each other and thinking,

What it would have been really like all the way back then?

Running

running
a tree
move left

running
a wall
vault it

running
wall end
down

forward
back

does not
matter

running
bench
over

running
hedge
jump

running
from
towards

does not
matter

as long
I am

running

faster

The Ramble

Well this is a very big post that I have been putting off months from posting. 

WELCOME TO MY NEW PAGE! 

Yes finally I have made a page and yes finally I have started posting in the name of #RoTM (get it trending people)

What better time to do it when I am basically already drowning in work :D 

Yet there is not a better time to do this then now, why?

Well lets start with the story that I have been putting off for so long, that well now its stale. Maybe I wanted it to be stale, maybe I wanted to escape from it, I have been  really running away from it.

I have been posting less on this blog, which was my mode to express myself, and that is because I did not know what to express about myself. I have just changed everything about me, yes the same old crazy Alex is still here inside waiting to burst out at every opportunity. 

Yet, I failed my degree, after four long years of hard work, gruelling hours of working on countless scientific theorems, learning fact after fact of material that I will now never be able to use. That is what I was thinking the day I found out I had failed. 

I was a failure, it is indeed an interesting feeling,  completely giving up in life, seeing the world as a vortex of darkness. In my head it was all the fault of this year, the dark year I wanted to dub it. Everything was going to go wrong, nothing will work out. 

Then I tried finding a job, guess what no luck. I mean who wanted to hire someone who has failed! Who wanted to find someone to pick up and train to do something. I did get an internship in SiTC, which I am really grateful for, however I knew it was not going to be enough. I needed a plan, I needed to get out of that vortex that was sucking me in. 

Then it started to happen, BOOM out of the blue, I was in ESN Malta, BOOM, I was elected the President, with a wonderfully crazy and energetic team. Head strong and ready to make a change, to make THE change, to rewrite the history of the organisation.

BOOM,

I was hired for a second internship, I am working with Konnekt Recruitment, the door way for me into the world of work. I am learning things which I would have never known before if it was not for Konnekt the people I work with, the environment, it is impossible to feel down in there. No one gives you a chance you always know you can get back up, admit that you did something wrong and keep on working to fix it. That is their mentality and it fills me to the brim with energy!

BOOM

Met new people, met new friends, I feel in love again, so crazily so instantly. Something which I had though I cannot, trusting someone with that spark of magic. Yet I was lost when I met her, the romantic in me gave in, not even a struggle. Yea sure it might not work out, but who knows! 

I am still 22, I am young and crazy, I am resourceful, as some friends put it, Unorthodox, Crazy and Dedicated. Yes that is what I am, some one who is not scared of trying out the new thing, someone who is not scared of being some one else, of working, of accepting his misatakes and moving on. 

Yes I am hard headed and it takes a while to get used to me, some people have personalities, I am a character (again quoting some of my dearest friends who love me so much :D )

Why should I hold myself back and hold back who I am? 

What does that result in?

It results in a lack of happnies from my part, it results in me escaping the reality, which is

I am Alex,

and I love to Ramble, doesn't come frequent, or regular, but it comes when it comes.

SO why was I upset that I cannot form the Facebook page. Because I was not posting enough? 

EVERY day is a story if I choose to share it, because I see the world though my eyes, and my eyes alone and you all see the world though your own eyes. So let us share our stories, some people share their stories though photos, others though speaking.

I Ramble.

SO Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, PEOPLE of all AGES

I 

GIVE

YOU

RAMBLINGS OF THE MIND!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer: Shooting Stars!

Hey guys, been a while!

Sorry about that, I have been going crazy with all the work I am doing, split up between, a job, working with SiTC (you guys have to come to that this year its going to be epic) and being the President of ESN Malta, well that is one hell of a combination to keep one busy. My days, (I am not complaining note) constitute of me waking up in the morning, showering, biking to work, spend 8 hours sending hundreds of emails, calling people, ect, basically all that I love doing. Then at five in the evening, hell breaks loose, every day I got to go some where else, some meeting or activity, something is always happening and I got to be there for each and every one of them. It is hectic, it is crazy but this makes for one hell of a life style. ( I would recommend it in small amounts)

Anyway, since I do not know how to take anything in small amounts well, I happen to come into someone else's story as well. Yep for once I am not the main protagonist, (WHERE IS ALEX AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM) hahahaha, no really I came into someone else's life and my own changed as a consequence of that. We are after all the product of all of our interactions, with others, with our environment and of course with our lives. Growing and learning as well go along. So, after four weeks of this complete and crazy life style yesterday I decided. You know what, I need a bloody break.

What a break it was. My friend who has till now shared with me some of the best memories that happened this summer. Half of them would get me killed, the other half would get her killed. Yep pretty epic stuff, again I digress. (THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DO NOT RANT ENOUGH UAHIWAIH) So yes, I was a bit down yesterday, worn out really and needed a break from life, so we went to a special place. No WiFi, no 3G, no recption. Just darkness, and starlight. 

Credits of this photo go to Gilber Vancell, I do not (sadly own a good camera yet)

It was amazing, we managed to see Sicily, ( I REALLY want TO GET a bloody Good camera, my phone is so shit at this), and best of all, I got to see sixteen shooting stars, sixteen!!!! That is huge, it was beautiful, there was so much to see, so many stars, that I was just in pure awe. Hours passed and we did not realise. Hugging each other to keep warm, we just sat there, letting the star light, (and the other light beams that are and were a product of the pollution of the some village feasts around the island!!! I mean guys WAY TO RUIN A MOMENT THERE!)

We both forgot our problems and just sat there wondering, how really insignificant we were compared to the great big void, laughing like kids each time that we saw a shooting star, and the other did not. (I did get to see sixteen, she only saw six. Let's just say she was not pleased about my keen observational skills compared to hers. (EKKK I am so dead right now hahaha)

I promise  I will write more often from now on, anyway school is round the corner and really, with my new adventure...damn I still havent written about that have I well. Tonight you will get it I promise!

Thunder

Thunder is some of the most amazing thing, it is just a sound of pure fear, excitement or just wonder. What is thunder, thunder is a sound. Nothing more, a sound that comes after the aftermath of lightning.

It comes after the event, it is the echo of some of the most amazing phenomena that happens. Yet people are scared of it. They are scared of the sound, such a terrific sound, however this sound as strong, as powerful as it is.

It is nothing, compared to what lightning is. All that power, hitting the ground, striking in a flash, a burst of light in an instant transmitting so much power. That chemical reactions happen that do not happen anywhere else. Nitrogen breaks up, organic matter burns, in its wake, nothing can stand nothing leaves unscratched.

Thunder, comes after, the aftermath of this terrible power.

Thunder always comes after.

My greatest Fear. My greatest Passion.

It would be time.

Some fear death or dieing, some fear thunder or lightning, some fear water or darkness.

Yet I fear time, the concept of time I want to reject. Twenty four hours are not enough in a day. Life has become so fast that keeping track has become impossible. The train keeps going faster and faster.

I am writing this while travelling, something which I have taken to do is sleep, write, think, while travelling. Minimise wasting time, my free time I try to do something else. I hate the concept of doing nothing.

Yet I often find myself lost deep in though. Not the first time I am riding my bike to relax. I get deeply lost in my thoughts and wake up else where. I get lost in thinking, finding out about myself, teaching myself though simulations, comming up with solutions to my projects.

Yet I am still scared, Time still terrifies me to no end.

I am not scared of death, or my life ending, I am scared I haven't done enough with it.

So I live life, one step at a time, every corner, every decision is based on my basic instinct. I travel to where I feel I need to be. I open doors and see what they offer learn as much from everything that I do. Even if the smallest thing such as a new short cut on the computer or a brand new out of the box way of thinking about a problem.

I never do the same thing twice, I always change it differently, because it is always a brand new experience.

posted from Bloggeroid

The Train.

What is a train, other then a means of transport. Changed the world, allowed us to get there, allowed us to get there faster. Allowed us to connect the world, city to city, village to village. Make people able to get to work faster. Find work faster, get from one place to the other faster.

Faster, faster, faster, faster, fast, fast, fast

Yet we arrived to a point we forgot one important thing, that on the train you have windows. We have a view, be it a city, be it a valley or a field filled with horses. 

We have become so fixated on doing more, arrived at the destination. Making sure that we make it happen the big break. The big event in our life, making money, getting a house, getting a family, raising your kids. Or building your company, building an empire. 

Yet so many of us are forgetting, removing, and abolishing their passions in the process. We forget why we set out, when we arrived at the end. We forgot to look out of the window, we forget to stop at the next stop and taking a look around. Maybe an other train can take us faster, or slower, or from a different route. Maybe we can find a train that doesn't rattle, or we want a train that is rattling. 

So I am telling you, you have to look outside the window. Who knows what is outside?

I never though I would find what I have found yesterday, and I always wonder what will come tomorrow!

Summer: Change, Recall and New Stories

"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us." —Emery Allen

A few months ago I used this quote for something that was entirely different yet the same. What am I saying, I met someone who jolted my life, gave me something which I had forgotten, helped me remember what passion actually is. 

This is just a small update, I know I have not been feeding you my ramblings, I has been a strange few weeks actually, I have been adapting to change. Working two intern-ships, working on ESN, which is slowly becoming an addiction that I am in love with.  

But the big news, largest of them all, changing my degree. After four years of working towards a science degree, trying my best to become a scientist, trying my best to stick to a profile which I had created for myself. Rather let others create for me and stick to it. Has been a massive shock to change to do something else, so late in the day. 

Many of you have told me:

Are you insane??

But you have one year left.

Come on just finish it.

To that I tell you, I have learnt something till now, and I know that it is nothing much. Yet I learnt that when you try and force something onto yourself. Something else has to break, something else has to give. This year has been quite a year for me so much has happened so many things, I went and experienced, anything and everything, I met new people, made new friends, learnt new things. 

Yet every day is a new page in a book, a story that must be written down. To that I will quote a game that I started to play again recently, from my childhood. 

This is My Story - Tidus from Final Fantasy 10

Its not what you are classified as that makes you, it what you classify yourself that pushes you forward. The world is so much more then just what we see, as much and as active we can be. There are only 24 hours in a day, and in those 24 hours, there is only so much you can do. Yet  while we are experiencing our 24 hours, those next too us are experiencing theirs. 

We may be in luck that we can perhaps experience the life of those close to us for a small bit, maybe we experience it for a long time. Yet in the end we cannot experience every single second that each and every person on this planet lives. Thus we cannot know anyone's story, unless they decide to tell it to you while the sun is rising and thus heralding the start of a new day.

Summer: The Lost Girl!

So yesterday I was walking back home after one of the nicest burgers I had in a while. The Falafel burger at New York's Best blew my mind away, and no they did not pay me to give them this advert, although they are welcome to give me a free burger next time <3. But yes the burger was out of this world, never expected in a million years for it to be so good, especially since I am not a big fan of Falafel.

Anyway I digress, yes I was walking home, tired from a very long day ( I will get to that in an other blog post). While waiting on the bus stop I eyes a gorgeous girl, who was vividly lost and panicking, so like any good citizen I look at the ground and kept myself to myself. Something which I am ashamed of having done, because the poor girl then came up to me and started asking me directions in very fragmented english. She was sounding very panicked and kept trying to explain that she needed to get to Marsaxlokk, which was around 2 hours bus ride away, and since it was at the end of the day buses were not passing as frequently. Not to mention the insanity of Isle of MTV. 

Me feeling guilty of not having made the first step and tried to help her even though I realized she was in distress, I told her I will help you get there. I stayed talking to her and have a really wonderful conversation. That frankly put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I will not give you the details, however she was a foreigner who came to Malta so that she could find work. She had made a contract with someone back in her country allowing her to work in Malta for 4 euro 50 cents per hour. Something that she was over the moon about, working long hours yes but she was happy. Why? Because back in her country she was making 1.50-2 euros an hour.  She is a European citizen, yet what she was describing to me happily, her dreams her aspirations. Were so different from mine, her way of thinking so simple and happy go lucky. I felt that she was being used, working long hours as a waitress so that she could make some money and go back to her country and buy a car. Yet, at the same time, it was her way of life, she is young, she choose not to go to university, she choose a different path. 

This made me make a promise to myself, I am going to try harder to talk to those random people that I will be meeting. Especially since now I am forming part of ESN Malta, which I am sure is going to get me to meet all these amazing new people who have incredible backgrounds, simple back ground, just a story to tell.

I regret not taking her number or contact, so that I could listen to more of her story, but then again maybe it was for the best. It was such a fleeting moment, a gust of wind that took me on such a discovery.

Summer: Opting out of a Bus ride.

So today I took the morning as easy as one could, till a gentle reminder on my phone reminded me that hey, I had a meeting in 10 minutes. Of course 10 minutes later I was fully dressed up at University enjoying myself a nice bout of confusion since I did not know where, one the meeting was being held and two, if it was being held at all since no one was answering their dammed phone.

Meeting finished, I realised I had no point and nothing to do most of the day just let time pass by. A concept which I have not had the pleasure of enjoying in the past few months. So I do what I do best and decide to go shopping again, but alas no shoe would fit thy princess feet; although some would say my hobbit feet are not of a princess grad but I digress.

So now I am sitting down in a place that could have easily been one of the nicest belvederes in Malta but due to either some brilliant planning or more probably lack there off. Ended with a ledge that is too high to leisurely look over, but one has to rather strain their back. Could be also my inexpiable need and desire to slouch over while I am writing this blog.

Where was I, yes view, the view is just glorious I wish I could show it to you guys but, again I am greedy and wont share. Rather why don’t you all go out and enjoy the lovely day we are having, even to those who are still studying stepping outside the house and catching the last few rays of sun is indeed something that is and should be a priority. It does help you to relax, then again a cocktail which I am about to have, helps me more; yet sharing this piece of information with you guys somehow does not seem to make you happier.

One last thing, why is this titled opting out of a bus ride? Well you see I met someone who I quite look up to, a celebrity of sorts, I said hi, as one would. Panicked from meeting a person I admire and wanting to look cool I ended walking till Sliema. Why? because I was at first too shy to go back to the bus stop, then I released it was such a beautiful day and I was in the mood for exploring. So I guess thanks man for making my day just that much better, I found beauty where I wouldn't have expected.

Summer! : Gozo,Wine and Pastizzi

So I do not know if you heard but I finished examssssss (Ok I still have a lab report to write but bear with me.)

BUT yes a

FREEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 of Mel Gibson proportions is needed to start of summer. Thus came the obligatory night of shots, pitchers and PV, but that is not what we are writing about are we.

Well well well, nice to meet you.

NOPE, we are going to be writing about my return to the island of islands. Gozo and family, it was nice seeing them in a relaxed frame of mind and for once humanly communicating with them using words rather than a selection from an assortment of grunts, puffs and the occasional roaring thunder. While all of this was going on, (Side Note: At this point I am still hung over from Saturday and this is me functioning on 3 hours of sleep.) I started gaming and going into the per annum summer mode.

Yet something felt missing, so I messaged a dear friend of mine, and told her LETS RAMPAGE THE STREETS OF GOZO. Show them a bit of party, as they say. Once I did that, I realized I had nothing to wear, and I ended up going on a panic shopping spree that had me call three of my friends, begging them for fashion advice, for which I must especially thank The Cat, she knows who she is *OBVIOUS WINK* and the other two who helped me in my moment of dire need. Which ended up with me owning a rather snazzy pair of shorts, and a lovely shirt.

Classyyyyy.

After gearing up for all of this, night happened and the night happened like this

• Drinking Wine in the Car park like little old hobos we are,
• Moving on to Snazzy cocktails and then realised we were falling asleep at the late old time of 11.30
• Going to drive around the island like maniacs to feel alive.
• Going to hunt for Pastizzi IN GOZO at midnight. 
• Ending finding the last few stands in Xewkija's village feast. 
• Walking around dancing in the moon light.
• Driving home and someone ending in a secluded area looking at the stars.
• She gets the shit scared out of her due to some crickets
• We drive back.
• I get home
• I crash in bed.

A happy Alex is a full Alex.

What heaven must look like at midnight.

SUMMER HAS STARTED!

Common Room #4

Its about time I send a rant about those lovely people that I share my pain, misery and above all else the sweet suffering of exams. The new faces, the friends, made though the close quarters (often very smelly) of common room are endless. Honest friends, who show your their true colors by raging and screaming at you, break down crying or melt into a puddle at any given moment of time.

The first group that I would like to start with, those who have been at my side, or rather, me stuck to theirs almost consistently for the past month. Working together to try and make this semester pass, are the odd fits. A lovely group of people, who are made of the eternal bitch face, a person that scares the living willies out of anyone, yet when needed she pops up and helps all those around her as best as she can. Then you get the M&M, the stretchy one and the obnoxious one, I owe them that I am found in this group now. They have been nothing but supportive of my daily meltdowns and hours of wailing and complaining about my life and studies and DID I MENTION I HAD A PAPER CUT TODAY WHY DOES LIFE HATE ME. Talking about annoying, there is the annoying one, a puddle of hugs and love, caring like a mother hen about her friends more than anything in the world.

I just realized I left the guys out of this, well you got the Scottish pastor from the middle south american bible belt, who was born and raised in Malta. Enough said about him, more about the bun dude, who is quite a quiet guy, yet when pissed off he shows enough emotion to make a passing comment. You're weirdness knows no bounds, and yes I did write you're, bloody grammar Hitler, I KNOW YOU ARE LOOKING AT THIS and I do NOT CARE I WILL STAND AGAINST YOUR IRON RULE. (This guy, lets call him Toupee dude has a love for Medicine and correct Grammar.)

So after getting rid of the core of annoyance in the room. We really should move on to the medicine students, rather the small bunch of medicine students who are known for sporadic laughing and long chats in a rather loud manner. Making sure everyone around them knows how hard their subject is. With all of their elite nature, they are honestly a sweet group of people, and the long chats about medicine and science while smoking outside are quite honestly something that I look forward to.

The last group for this blog (more will follow later this is getting to long), would be the rabble, or rather the procrastinators extraordinaire. THEY MANAGE to make anything in a lovely break, be it play hearthstone, basket ball, football, smoking, sitting, watching episodes. You name it, they do it. It is really incredible, and yet somehow they still manage to get all of their work done, effortlessly and be chill when exam times comes up.

Last side note, Hail Caesar, you know who you are :)

To be continued....

The Glass

Is the Glass half full or half empty?

An age old question often used and interpreted in a myriad of ways. Supposedly making us think about our personality, if we are optimists or pessimists. However, I never heard someone say, although I am sure I am not the first to think of this. It is just a glass with water in it.

We have such an obsession to classify things, separate and divide into facts of information. We need to know. We need to put everything into its category, and get that fix for our "OCD" as many would say. Yet as I said, why cannot the glass be just a glass of water? 

From our own perspective it is just a glass of water, but from someone else's point of view it is definitely going to be described as something different. This is because we do not see the same things, we do not see the world from the same perspective. We do usually have a tendency to have a very similar, with almost identical perspective that is heavily influenced by the culture that we live in, the people that we grow up with, or those that we call friends. Yet it always impresses me how people from different cultures, different education backgrounds or simply different ages tend to see the world.

Do we all ways see everything we have around us?

I used to work as a waiter and this put me in contact with a large amount of tourists who always gave me their own take on my culture, coming from Gozo. I had this idea, a very close minded and small perspective of how the world was or so I thought. When I traveled I understood those people I used to meet bewildered lost in my culture. All it took was me brushing up someone else culture. Having lived just one month in America and then having been in a relationship with someone from London, which resulted in me living the odd week over there every few months. Showed me how differently we see our world from each other, and in a way opened my mind to so many different possibilities of seeing anything. Including that glass of water.

In a manner, I don't see a glass of water, or rather don't want to see a glass of water. I want to see what others see, because that is in itself just as interesting and intriguing as the eternal debate of the half full, half empty glass, because in doing that I believe that I might be able to understand much better how others think and feel.

Walking. Running. Jumping.

Recently I started, being much more on the active side of life. I realised that my body needed some looking after, this after spending an entire year depriving it of sleep, stuffing it with the unhealthiest of foods and above all else depriving it of movement. 

Naturally, I choose to start practising, a very mild version of Parkour, because why not?

For those that do not know what Parkour is, 

"Parkour is a training discipline using movement that developed from military obstacle course training. Practitioners aim to get from A to B in the most efficient way possible. This is done using only the human body and the surroundings for propulsion, with a focus on maintaining as much momentum as possible while still remaining safe. "

Basically, this yet an other one of my many impulses to try out new things. That said the number of people who took the piss out of me, when I told them what I was tyring to learn, was only over come by those who could not comprehend why I had choosen something like that over, more conventional methods of training. I could not awnser them, not when I was told by a dear friend of mine. 

"I did not laugh, because your going to try and learn how to practise parkour, I am laughing because it is so unusual and so strange for someone to go for that." 

He is absolutely and completely right, it is strange for us to do what the majority of us do not do. What am I getting at with this post, you have guessed it is. They are not my new endeavours. Rather what I learnt from them, that we have all of these social constructs that stop us create invisible walls, that make no sense why they should exist. 

Yet, here we are in the morning, waking up and following a routine, that we made or imposed on us. This routine, is so dangerous that people will not notice anything about it. I could not believe it myself, but when I was recovering from one of my many runs, I landed badly and was tyring to catch my breath so I could keep going on. I found myself between two paths, which to get from one to the other, one had to take a 2-3 minute walk around the building. Yet if you were to just run and jump across a three meter gap, it would take you 20-30 seconds at most. 

No one, not even myself got the idea to walk across that small gap, rather we always prefer taking the long way  around, because its what is socially acceptable. What we believe that we have to do, because it is what others do. If we do not do what others do, others will look at us weird or worse, think we are strange. 

None of that happened, with me, breathing heavily, I was all of a sudden invisible. No one stopped to look at the weird person standing where he shouldn't be. Why? Because I should not have been there, because it was illogical for a human to be there. Thus, we do not look in places like these. Yet these places are the most amazing of places, that I am currently looking for, not just physically but also in my life, how I do things. I am constatnly tyring to find new and novel ways to act, live and most importantly of think. 

Thinking outside of the box, coming up with ideas that no one could think of before, and implementing them or talking about them. More often than not, people think I am insane, suggesting the most outrageous of ideas. Concepts, which people tell me, we are not yet ready to make a reality. The thing is, we are never readyto do anything, unless we try. 

Now I am just rambling, but it was a thought that I had, and wanted to share with the rest of you. Been thinking a while how to write this, but as it turned out just sitting down and starting to type my ranting here rather then just telling myself how can I go around it. This has worked out pretty well.

So, my question to you.

Do you see this as well? Our constraints, that we put on ourselves, acting in ways not because we entirely want to, but because others act like that and thus we must conform.

Photos on instagram,

Facebook posts,

Blogging even, 

Tweets, 

Dress code,

Food.

The list is infinite, some might see me as a hipster, since what I propably comming off as one in this post (I really am not tring to be), I would like to share a thought, is it not, that our much loved individuality is just all but, a collection of characterisitcs that we pick up form those around us, in the most random of fashions. Begging the question to be, what does really make us individuals?

For me, it is the fearlessness not to be normal. What's yours?