Friday 25 July 2014

Leaving

Leaving the world where all thats is is.
Entering a world where all that is isn't.

This world has always facinated me.
Always intrigued me.

Yet now that I am in it.
I am scared of what I am finding inside.

I left the world where everything that is is.
Entered the world where all that is isn't.

Jack and steak

Jack is like eating the cake
Whisky is like eating the steak.

#cocktailbarstories

Tuesday 22 July 2014

Results! are they really the problem?

A topic everyone seems to be talking about at the moment, and one I am quite heated about. So I will have a rant about what I think of it, what I understand the different bodies are saying and of course what should be happening but will not happen, because you know, students are not really catered for that much at this university since we are not paying for our tuition.

Yes that is indeed the problem, the main and ultimately the only problem we see that is causing this. Money, everyone needs money and to get money you need to work for it. Now different jobs give you different amounts of money. That's because they require different amounts of energy and work power, training and experience. One can say that working as a lecturer at a university is one of the hardest jobs to get. The exclusivity to get a post in Malta is ridiculous, and that's because the people who are in these place, just happen to be that good. I can talk from the side of the Faculty of Science, the lecturers there are some of the best around. Their knowledge and research is simply phenomenal, a lot will agree with me their teaching methods are not always the best around. But that's not their main job is it?

No abroad you get two people for the same thing, one would be teaching the students and training them to become graduates of the course, and an other would be doing research and training them in the practical side of the field they are studying in.

Why are is it afforded to have so many different kinds of lecturers abroad, well because people pay thousands and thousands of euros, pounds, dollars to be part of the universities. To be able to live in a flat, live on their own, still go out enjoy life, get to pay for their studies and then hopefully get their degree. What happens in Malta?

We all know this, everyone is already waiting for the next stipend, I don't need to say more, we get a free education, and above that we get given extra money to be able to study at university, yes we get from 80 euro to a 150 euro a month. According to what subject you study, but, but how does this effect university funding? A system which is run on the money of the government, the money from the yearly budget.

Quite badly I must say, it causes the lecturers to have a lower pay, to have less money available for research purposes, and less funding available for those who wish to partake into a further research at our university. I could point once again to the Faculty of Science, the equipment there for most of the undergraduate labs is so outdated, that I am sure if we look close enough we see our predecessors from 30-40 years ago inscriptions on the wooden benches.

Most of the innovation that occurs in our labs, comes from European funding. This is because the local government doesn't invest enough funding into the system, because he is funding us to continue our studies.

However, this does not mean that the lecturers can use us, this doesn't mean that they can bargain using our future. Our results, our hard work, a year working studying to get a pay rise, this does not mean they can hold us back from learning, and this is what's happening. This is what I am seeing happening, by holding back the results, by holding back our assessment, we do not know what will happen to us.

People like me, who are not that good at the writing part of our course, at the easement part.  My skills lie else where, I enjoy the subjects, I love and adore studying, but I am not compatible with the system in place. That however is a story for an other time.

The story right now is this, there is a massive student body, still waiting for its results, and slowly getting angrier and angrier. The angrier the students will get, the more chaos will occur. I must actually congratulate the university organisations, mainly KSU for leading the students in such a controlled manner. Helping us to move as a unit work together to put the correct pressure and not go over board.

But then, then we are being ignored, we are being ignored when we are working in one of the most professional ways possible. Its true some results for the final year students, or those students which are having deadlines (I must say some with less then a week before) are being released.

The whole situation is what I could term to be a claustrofuck, are there any solutions? Short term, well yes the government gives in and give the lecturers what they are asking for. Long term? Long term I think its time to say good bye to our stipends, and a complete and total rework of our university structure.

Our university, has one of the highest standards around. Our exams are often called impossible by the international students who are brave enough to come here. The Erasmus students who go abroad and come back always say how easier it is abroad form here in Malta. We thus have one hell of a student body, and one hell of a lecturing body. Why aren't we making sure that our university is one of the best in the world by keeping it updated and up to the modern times.

Sunday 20 July 2014

I should be sleeping. #rambling #lostinthought #lifeexperience

I should be sleeping but, I realised I have not had a rant at someone for a while, and what better way to have such rants if not on my blog (sorry people for keeping you waiting, currently I am busier then exam time believe it or not). So here goes.

I was thinking, and talking to myself. Why the hell do I do so much, stuff, what drives me to keep on working, and enjoying what I do. I must say, thinking about the amount of hours I dedicate to my passions, I always over did it. While gaming, I used to spend sometimes even more then 16 hours in one day playing a game obsessing about getting the small things right. Then I moved on to building stuff in minecraft (note this for me is not a game but a means to express ones self), where I spent countless hours building, what ever I felt, large cities, contraptions, monuments ect.

And now S-Cubed, or rather being an active student, helping those around me who need that extra push and working with a team of brilliant people. (Who I must admit not always get along with, but I mean stress does things to people. The best bit is getting a beer afterwards and its all good. ) Working with these people, to provide that something that will people remember their university, and help them be able to get a better job eventually. At least that's what I am trying to do, but I must admit, I do not always manage, but that does not turn me off this, rather it reinvigorates me to keep working harder and harder. Sometimes I take it a step to far, far to far...and it has damage my academic record, I must say quite badly in some cases. But I will keep doing this, in anyway capacity I can because Its what keeps me sane, yet at the same time what makes me insane if that makes sense.

A close friend of mine, while being drunk to the point of being oblivious to the world around him, had come up to me and told me. Alex, Alex I envy you, I envy the will you have. This left me speechless, no guys no this is not me saying look at me I am awesome, no this is not a narcissistic comment about myself. No this is a comment about the will that my friend talk about. What he said is the thing that worries me the most, of all the people around me, I notice they have the potential to change the world. I know people who have the brain power to be able to do so many things. Research, develop and manage anything that takes their fancy. I know people who will blow your mind, I know a guy who learnt how to do a rubrics cube everything in an evening. He does them at the speed of light, incredible. I know a person who has the ability to memorise almost anything, and make assumptions which are always within the 95% confidence level (for non scientists that's being able to assume what the truth is, or being extremely close to it.)

I, met all these people, I know them, they are my friends, close friends, but what makes me said is, not all of them do something to help themselves. Not all of them get their potential and push it to the limit.  People congratulate me for doing something, doing something that is so bad, I am ashamed of it, but people still come up to me and say wow you are so good. What is different between me and them? I tried, they didn't...but if they did, I would have looked like an idiot, because they would be a million times better then me at it.

So that's one thing I am doing right now, getting people to do stuff so I look like an idiot, and we have a better world in general, but for myself, why do I do what I do?

I do that because I...

I do not know, I am doing something because it feels right but... I really honestly do not know why I do half of the things I do, I just act. I found out that when I think about something for far to long, things get complicated, problems arise, before they arise, solutions never come, because there are no problems to fix...and I fail. So I live life day by day, living as if I am living for the last day of my life.

So here is a question for yourself.

If you know you are going to die in the next 365 days, yes in the next year. What would you do?

I think I will continue living as I am, doing my best, maybe not to enjoy life, but to feel proud of who and what I am, because of anything I can say I am proud of myself, not because everything I do is correct, but because I do so many mistakes. As Albert Einstein said, if from a 1000 ideas one of them is a good one, well I will be happy. In my case if from a 1000 mistakes, I learn about one of them, then I know I have grown into a better person.

Wednesday 9 July 2014

Sea

A place,
Lost,
Forgotten.

Soon to,
Stop existing,

I found,
Memories,
Lost lost.

Of people,
Of friends,
Of loved ones.

But that feeling,
Of feeling,
Alone.

But the sea,
Endless,
Strong,
Soft,
Gentle,
Persitant.

The memories it holds,
The ages it saw,
The stories it heard,
Pityful mine seems,
But I add to what is...
posted from Bloggeroid

Lost

Lost
In
Gold
And
Rich
People
All
Around
What
Do
I
Do
How
Do
I
Make
This
Happen
Help
No
Way
Out
What

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday 6 July 2014

Summer

A time where the sunshine's,
A time where the sea is warm,
A time where people stop and relax,

But why?
But why?

Why has it become a time,
to take photos of everything you do?
to take photos of every patch of water you find?
to take photos of every 'memory you have'?

Rather then,
the time when it was fun to just spend hours playing monopoly,
the time when it was fun to just go to the beach and try to drown each other,
the time when it was fun to just be

now we are trying to create memories,
rather then enjoying the moment,
we are
trying to remember it.

Experiences

What is the single most beautiful experience in life?

Love

What is the single most painful experience in life?

Love

What is the single most yearning in life?

Love

What is the single most important thing in life?

Love

What is the single most amazing feeling in life?

Love

The morning after...

Waking up half undressed with your shirt stuck in your armpit, sprawled all over your bed, lights turned on music blasting at full sound, and cuddling a water bottle as if your life meant on it and a foot on the laptop which was playing the music.


Drinks came out and that's where it started getting hazy, running around trying to contact the last few people who had booked their tickets, a maniac on wheels, trying to find people in this place was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and somehow we found the people, gave them the tickets and we were on our merry way. By this time I had downed around half a bottle of whiskey, and 'borrowed' my friend's vodka which had been left lonely in his car booth.



Fast forwarding to the drunken mess I was around 40 minutes later, running about the club where the party was happening at full swing, with this happening to me;

getting knocked over when I went to say hi to a friend,
getting free booze when some people said hi to me and said seriously cool blog (had to name you),
getting lost inside the club, and losing all my friends,
getting into a haggling battle with the hot dog stand owner,

finding and losing my friends a million times,
finding myself dancing with a guy on my shoulders,
finding myself dancing with people I do not know but were really nice,
finding people whom I had not met in months,

seeing the world slow down,
seeing people jump up and down,
seeing most people bonding together,
seeing the floor a few more times,

After this whirlwind of random and almost completely disjointed events, I ended up meeting someone who offered me a ride home, however, PASTIZZI had to come into play. Not that I was hungry, far from it, no we where just being greedy, so this guy drove us all the way to the fabled Crystal Palace where, we had pastizzi and tea at four in the morning, waiting for sun to start rising. After filling our bellies with the hot pastries stuffed with peas we drove back home. The trip turned into a racket which ended up with me slouching over the seat, and him laughing that I was falling asleep because of my stupor of alcohol. 

Then morning came...

But I must say, the party was one of the best in my life.

Thursday 3 July 2014

Determination.

Softly,
gently,
filling dents,
imperfections.

Yet,
always moving,
always reacting,
always adapting.

However,
unrelenting,
unstoppable,
unbreakable.

Changes the world
slowly,
drop,
by drop.

Water.

The Perfect Storm

A magic wind,
whispers of eternity,
whispers of love,
whispers of affection.

A storm,
passion,
rage,
love.

The eye,
calm,
beauty,
wild affection.

A hurricane,
of feelings,
of memories,
of longing.

The distance
long
great
painful

The wreckage,
broken memories,
broken feelings,
broken heart.

Rebuilding,
slow,
painful,
hard.

A monumental task,
because of what,
was,
was immeasurable.

Wild,
glorious,
beautiful,
eternal love.


Tuesday 1 July 2014

Music

I never liked music

not because, I did not
find it entertaining.

not because, I did not
find it enchanting.

no

I did not like music
because I never related to it.

Till I found
my small ledge

Till I found
what makes me dream

and dream I did

makes me feel
alive

makes me feel
Awake

music
is strange

a language
with no words

a language
universal, and eternal

they say
an artist prints a portal to their soul

when they produce
their works

and thats why
we can always feel what they felt

sadness

making us understand
pain eons old.

happiness

making us smile
about a joke thousands of years in the making

rage

making us feel
anger beyond our means of understanding

calm

making us relax
remembering meadows long gone.

and so much more

but

that one feeling
of getting up

and doing what
needed and needs to be done

allowing
something else

to be
to make
to do
to act
to relate

with those who
have gone

with those who
will come

with those who
are.



Fruit.

Apples
and 
Pears

Plums
and 
Bananas

Peaches
and
Berries

Oranges
and
Bacon

are all fruits of this world!