Alone,
Darkness.
Alone,
Silence.
Alone,
Thoughts.
Alone,
Feelings.
Alone,
Closed.
Alone,
Isolated.
Alone,
Death.
Sunday 28 September 2014
Saturday 13 September 2014
Home!
I grew up on an island, in the middle of the Mediterranean. Thinking always the world is confined by the limits imposed by the shore. The great sea, which I was so terrified of, had to be crossed using the ferry, which brought people and took people to another 'land' when the time has come for them.
This all changed when I grew up, when I was 18, although I had gone abroad before, although I had been to Malta the other 'land'. I never really noticed and analysed the situation as I did when I was 18. I left Gozo, the night of my graduation from Higher Secondary, 6th Form, High School. Whatever you call it in your area, anyway. On that night I left on my greatest adventure, I went on my own to America. I an inexperienced traveller, one who was afraid of planes. I a closed minded individual grown in a sheltered environment.
I suddenly and very violently found out, how small Gozo really is, for a moment, and I can still remember this I was breathless, panicking. What the hell was I going to do, what HOW COULD THIS BE!
This changed me, but unlike what would happen in this case, or rather what I thought would happen in this case. I did not shut myself down, suffered though my summer program which was such a stimulating experience in my life. (BFTF - Benjamin Franklin Trans Atlantic Fellowship 2011 Look it up its a wonderful experience and would highly suggest anyone to go and try to take part in it.)
Inside of me, bloomed this desire, a curiosity to find out more about life, to find out the world which I lived in and explore it. Explore this Pale Blue dot which we live on. Since then I have been abroad as many times as I could, I have travelled, I have explored and I have always kept my mind open.
However this came at a price, now when I ever go back to 'Home' I feel suffocated, claustrophobic even. What has grown in me, has not yet in those I left behind in Gozo, the idea of exploring new ideas, the idea of risking everything just to know more to learn who you are. To find your limits and break them to set new standards.
This is what I discovered, this is what I found, I have no limits, I have no restrictions, apart all those that I set on myself. I have become a person who does what he wants, I follow my dreams and I will do as much as is in my power to achieve these dreams.
Why title this Home? Simple, Home is the biggest limit I had ever set on myself, and I broke this limit and now Home is Earth, not Gozo, not Malta, not the EU. No Home is where the heart lies.
As cheesy as it gets! However this is what I feel and I am not afraid to say it.
This all changed when I grew up, when I was 18, although I had gone abroad before, although I had been to Malta the other 'land'. I never really noticed and analysed the situation as I did when I was 18. I left Gozo, the night of my graduation from Higher Secondary, 6th Form, High School. Whatever you call it in your area, anyway. On that night I left on my greatest adventure, I went on my own to America. I an inexperienced traveller, one who was afraid of planes. I a closed minded individual grown in a sheltered environment.
I suddenly and very violently found out, how small Gozo really is, for a moment, and I can still remember this I was breathless, panicking. What the hell was I going to do, what HOW COULD THIS BE!
This changed me, but unlike what would happen in this case, or rather what I thought would happen in this case. I did not shut myself down, suffered though my summer program which was such a stimulating experience in my life. (BFTF - Benjamin Franklin Trans Atlantic Fellowship 2011 Look it up its a wonderful experience and would highly suggest anyone to go and try to take part in it.)
Inside of me, bloomed this desire, a curiosity to find out more about life, to find out the world which I lived in and explore it. Explore this Pale Blue dot which we live on. Since then I have been abroad as many times as I could, I have travelled, I have explored and I have always kept my mind open.
However this came at a price, now when I ever go back to 'Home' I feel suffocated, claustrophobic even. What has grown in me, has not yet in those I left behind in Gozo, the idea of exploring new ideas, the idea of risking everything just to know more to learn who you are. To find your limits and break them to set new standards.
This is what I discovered, this is what I found, I have no limits, I have no restrictions, apart all those that I set on myself. I have become a person who does what he wants, I follow my dreams and I will do as much as is in my power to achieve these dreams.
Why title this Home? Simple, Home is the biggest limit I had ever set on myself, and I broke this limit and now Home is Earth, not Gozo, not Malta, not the EU. No Home is where the heart lies.
As cheesy as it gets! However this is what I feel and I am not afraid to say it.
Thursday 11 September 2014
So its 2am!
I did something today that, I should have been doing for the past year and kept forgetting, or finding a million and one excuses to not to.
I played Minecraft.
OK OK CALM DOWN IM NO ADDICTED TO IT AS I ONCE WAS.
Ok that took care of those that know what happened to me when I was introduced to Minecraft. However, those same people know what Minecraft is to me, what it means. Minecraft was my diary, every time I built something inside, that something meant a memory, a feeling an emotion. From the simplest dirt hole to the most elaborate castles and machines.
Those memories are stored recorded in pixel forms, blocks made up of 16 pixels each. Making the most marvelous of wonders. I built cities, from scratch. I made the world mine, endless hours of mining, crafting, building, breeding, repairing and most important of all imagining.
A world with no rules, has no limits, and thus I built myself a diary. Before I had this blog to scream out my opinions to people, before I had this system where I would build and build endless structures. Which people never really understood what they meant, actually neither did I. Till earlier this week, when I opened files which I have not touched in months up to a year, and found all my memories coming back to me.
Two hours later, I was happily continuing where I had left off on a massive volcano which I was building in the summer of 2012, remembering that when I came up with the idea I ended going to work 3 hours late as I just wanted to lay the basics out for this structure. Music and happily clicking away, I was momentarily transported back to my world.
My Kingdom.
I played Minecraft.
OK OK CALM DOWN IM NO ADDICTED TO IT AS I ONCE WAS.
Ok that took care of those that know what happened to me when I was introduced to Minecraft. However, those same people know what Minecraft is to me, what it means. Minecraft was my diary, every time I built something inside, that something meant a memory, a feeling an emotion. From the simplest dirt hole to the most elaborate castles and machines.
Those memories are stored recorded in pixel forms, blocks made up of 16 pixels each. Making the most marvelous of wonders. I built cities, from scratch. I made the world mine, endless hours of mining, crafting, building, breeding, repairing and most important of all imagining.
A world with no rules, has no limits, and thus I built myself a diary. Before I had this blog to scream out my opinions to people, before I had this system where I would build and build endless structures. Which people never really understood what they meant, actually neither did I. Till earlier this week, when I opened files which I have not touched in months up to a year, and found all my memories coming back to me.
Two hours later, I was happily continuing where I had left off on a massive volcano which I was building in the summer of 2012, remembering that when I came up with the idea I ended going to work 3 hours late as I just wanted to lay the basics out for this structure. Music and happily clicking away, I was momentarily transported back to my world.
My Kingdom.
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