Small little things...

You know those small things that you do without realising until someone tells you; ‘Hey, dude, did you know you do that?’ It’s when you realise you have a quirk; a particular movement, something that defines you from others.

Then you get to meet people, to interact with people, and you get specific things, actions, ways of communication with these people that no one else can understand but them. Talking in a specific manner, reacting in the same way, joking, laughing and talking, always talking. Something that makes you feel like you belong.

Belong to where, though? Belong to the group, belong with the other person or people? What happens when these people stop being in your life, what happens when your actions are not received by anyone, understood by anyone? What happens when you are alone, in your bubble because the people in it are there no more?

You push yourself into someone else’s bubble and you try to make sense of what’s happening, but this does not always work as well as you wish it to because you cannot become part of other bubbles, you build these hypothetical bubbles with others from fresh.

This is when you spend days on end desperately trying to form a contact, a bond that will remind you, fill the space that the old bond has left so that once more the cycle starts and you get to have small things that a selected few will laugh at and understand while the rest of the world stares in wonder and incomprehension.