Dreams.

Dreams come,

They come from anywhere

Shadows from a memory distant past,

a fleeting breeze.

Perhaps a beam of light

hitting the window at an angle.

We do not know 

but everyday we try to make 

our dreams

into reality,

We live to make things occur,

We live to change,

morph

evolve

the world around us

make it 

ours

leave

our

print

When we do not,

When we ignore our dreams,

We start decaying inside

We feel the pain

Because we fight something that should be

Because we fight what we have to do.

This is why dreams

must

never 

be

forgotten. 

Day by Day

Waking up in the morning, thinking of only one thing. Trying to find a reason to get out of bed. Thinking, yea suicide that's a cool thing you could do, but you know it's not you, rather it's one small part of you which is dominant.

By the time you get out of the house, you already had your first panic attack, you have already suppressed the urge to scream at your toothbrush and at the same time merrily skip while making your coffee. It's all normal for you, yet you know if someone saw you, and just asked what was happening? You would not know how to answer that.

You get to university, in a merry mood, listened to some nice music and managed to clear your mind. However, that lecturer is droning on, and it's all wrong, all of it the way he is speaking, the way she is writing, the way that person is sitting down. I promise I am not insane, but these are things that one notice when they become hyper aware.

Controlling these mood swings, yea it's possible very easy in fact. It is simply understanding that this is just an irrational thought passing through your head. Yet, you are scared, constantly scared of letting a little tiny bit of it outside, because the moment you get too comfortable, the moment you allow yourself to become open just enough to show those around you.

YOU ARE LUCKY, if you just get a puzzled look. I have had people stop talking to me, suggest I go see help, or simply take medicine, you freak of nature. Well you want to know one thing, it's not easy, it's not easy keeping it all inside, it's not easy holding in your thoughts. Feeling that you cannot belong anywhere, lost and lonely in a crowd of friendly people. Putting on masks for people so they like you, only showing them what they want to see. This is where one person stops trusting others, this is where one person becomes scared of being who they are.

This is because who they are is scary to those around them. The closest friends, family to that person do not understand is that, it's hell a terrifying having someone else inside with you. It’s a sad and lonely world not being able to be who you feel that you need to be. Yes I understand sometimes it gets over the top, but a simple “hey calm down” is enough to tell me that yes this is getting too much. Let us take it down a notch.

I am not alone, I am that one crazy enough to not care about what people think. I am strong enough to stare you back in the face and tell you hell, you think i'm crazy, you're right. I am not normal, hence I am labeled as crazy, I am unusual so I get stigma.

I am struggling with depression, anxiety and mood swings . Yet I am not alone, I reach to others, I talk to others and I tell them of my struggles and they help me. Unfortunately, I am one of few. Where am I going with this, I am here to tell you how it feels to be inside this mind, a prison of its own rights. I am telling you, do not label someone crazy, talk to them. They just might need that feeling that they belong.

The Glass

Is the Glass half full or half empty?

An age old question often used and interpreted in a myriad of ways. Supposedly making us think about our personality, if we are optimists or pessimists. However, I never heard someone say, although I am sure I am not the first to think of this. It is just a glass with water in it.

We have such an obsession to classify things, separate and divide into facts of information. We need to know. We need to put everything into its category, and get that fix for our "OCD" as many would say. Yet as I said, why cannot the glass be just a glass of water? 

From our own perspective it is just a glass of water, but from someone else's point of view it is definitely going to be described as something different. This is because we do not see the same things, we do not see the world from the same perspective. We do usually have a tendency to have a very similar, with almost identical perspective that is heavily influenced by the culture that we live in, the people that we grow up with, or those that we call friends. Yet it always impresses me how people from different cultures, different education backgrounds or simply different ages tend to see the world.

Do we all ways see everything we have around us?

I used to work as a waiter and this put me in contact with a large amount of tourists who always gave me their own take on my culture, coming from Gozo. I had this idea, a very close minded and small perspective of how the world was or so I thought. When I traveled I understood those people I used to meet bewildered lost in my culture. All it took was me brushing up someone else culture. Having lived just one month in America and then having been in a relationship with someone from London, which resulted in me living the odd week over there every few months. Showed me how differently we see our world from each other, and in a way opened my mind to so many different possibilities of seeing anything. Including that glass of water.

In a manner, I don't see a glass of water, or rather don't want to see a glass of water. I want to see what others see, because that is in itself just as interesting and intriguing as the eternal debate of the half full, half empty glass, because in doing that I believe that I might be able to understand much better how others think and feel.

Crossroad after the other.

Coming to that fork in the road,

with no time to choose,

with no time to decide,

Yet all that which you worked for,

is balanced on top of that single,

moment.

Coming to that choice,

with no right or left,

just a cliff

A cliff which one must jump,

into murky waters,

far far below.

The jump is fun,

The jump is interesting,

The jump will bring change,

The jump will make one search.

The question is,

Will I have the guts to jump?

Windows

A girl,
I saw,
on a window.

Of a dimension,
I never thought.
Of.

She Smiled,
She Talked,
She Seduced me,

kept me
company.

I looked,
I thought,
I wished,

She
was
the
one
I
would
Love