People

They come,

Always talking,                      never
Always running,                    stopping

Smiling together,                                    crying
Dancing in pairs,                                    alone

Watching movies,                                               standing
Eating meals,                                                      separated

They go.

Photo by Oscar Keys.

Day by Day

Waking up in the morning, thinking of only one thing. Trying to find a reason to get out of bed. Thinking, yea suicide that's a cool thing you could do, but you know it's not you, rather it's one small part of you which is dominant.

By the time you get out of the house, you already had your first panic attack, you have already suppressed the urge to scream at your toothbrush and at the same time merrily skip while making your coffee. It's all normal for you, yet you know if someone saw you, and just asked what was happening? You would not know how to answer that.

You get to university, in a merry mood, listened to some nice music and managed to clear your mind. However, that lecturer is droning on, and it's all wrong, all of it the way he is speaking, the way she is writing, the way that person is sitting down. I promise I am not insane, but these are things that one notice when they become hyper aware.

Controlling these mood swings, yea it's possible very easy in fact. It is simply understanding that this is just an irrational thought passing through your head. Yet, you are scared, constantly scared of letting a little tiny bit of it outside, because the moment you get too comfortable, the moment you allow yourself to become open just enough to show those around you.

YOU ARE LUCKY, if you just get a puzzled look. I have had people stop talking to me, suggest I go see help, or simply take medicine, you freak of nature. Well you want to know one thing, it's not easy, it's not easy keeping it all inside, it's not easy holding in your thoughts. Feeling that you cannot belong anywhere, lost and lonely in a crowd of friendly people. Putting on masks for people so they like you, only showing them what they want to see. This is where one person stops trusting others, this is where one person becomes scared of being who they are.

This is because who they are is scary to those around them. The closest friends, family to that person do not understand is that, it's hell a terrifying having someone else inside with you. It’s a sad and lonely world not being able to be who you feel that you need to be. Yes I understand sometimes it gets over the top, but a simple “hey calm down” is enough to tell me that yes this is getting too much. Let us take it down a notch.

I am not alone, I am that one crazy enough to not care about what people think. I am strong enough to stare you back in the face and tell you hell, you think i'm crazy, you're right. I am not normal, hence I am labeled as crazy, I am unusual so I get stigma.

I am struggling with depression, anxiety and mood swings . Yet I am not alone, I reach to others, I talk to others and I tell them of my struggles and they help me. Unfortunately, I am one of few. Where am I going with this, I am here to tell you how it feels to be inside this mind, a prison of its own rights. I am telling you, do not label someone crazy, talk to them. They just might need that feeling that they belong.

Walking. Running. Jumping.

Recently I started, being much more on the active side of life. I realised that my body needed some looking after, this after spending an entire year depriving it of sleep, stuffing it with the unhealthiest of foods and above all else depriving it of movement. 

Naturally, I choose to start practising, a very mild version of Parkour, because why not?

For those that do not know what Parkour is, 

"Parkour is a training discipline using movement that developed from military obstacle course training. Practitioners aim to get from A to B in the most efficient way possible. This is done using only the human body and the surroundings for propulsion, with a focus on maintaining as much momentum as possible while still remaining safe. "

Basically, this yet an other one of my many impulses to try out new things. That said the number of people who took the piss out of me, when I told them what I was tyring to learn, was only over come by those who could not comprehend why I had choosen something like that over, more conventional methods of training. I could not awnser them, not when I was told by a dear friend of mine. 

"I did not laugh, because your going to try and learn how to practise parkour, I am laughing because it is so unusual and so strange for someone to go for that." 

He is absolutely and completely right, it is strange for us to do what the majority of us do not do. What am I getting at with this post, you have guessed it is. They are not my new endeavours. Rather what I learnt from them, that we have all of these social constructs that stop us create invisible walls, that make no sense why they should exist. 

Yet, here we are in the morning, waking up and following a routine, that we made or imposed on us. This routine, is so dangerous that people will not notice anything about it. I could not believe it myself, but when I was recovering from one of my many runs, I landed badly and was tyring to catch my breath so I could keep going on. I found myself between two paths, which to get from one to the other, one had to take a 2-3 minute walk around the building. Yet if you were to just run and jump across a three meter gap, it would take you 20-30 seconds at most. 

No one, not even myself got the idea to walk across that small gap, rather we always prefer taking the long way  around, because its what is socially acceptable. What we believe that we have to do, because it is what others do. If we do not do what others do, others will look at us weird or worse, think we are strange. 

None of that happened, with me, breathing heavily, I was all of a sudden invisible. No one stopped to look at the weird person standing where he shouldn't be. Why? Because I should not have been there, because it was illogical for a human to be there. Thus, we do not look in places like these. Yet these places are the most amazing of places, that I am currently looking for, not just physically but also in my life, how I do things. I am constatnly tyring to find new and novel ways to act, live and most importantly of think. 

Thinking outside of the box, coming up with ideas that no one could think of before, and implementing them or talking about them. More often than not, people think I am insane, suggesting the most outrageous of ideas. Concepts, which people tell me, we are not yet ready to make a reality. The thing is, we are never readyto do anything, unless we try. 

Now I am just rambling, but it was a thought that I had, and wanted to share with the rest of you. Been thinking a while how to write this, but as it turned out just sitting down and starting to type my ranting here rather then just telling myself how can I go around it. This has worked out pretty well.

So, my question to you.

Do you see this as well? Our constraints, that we put on ourselves, acting in ways not because we entirely want to, but because others act like that and thus we must conform.

Photos on instagram,

Facebook posts,

Blogging even, 

Tweets, 

Dress code,

Food.

The list is infinite, some might see me as a hipster, since what I propably comming off as one in this post (I really am not tring to be), I would like to share a thought, is it not, that our much loved individuality is just all but, a collection of characterisitcs that we pick up form those around us, in the most random of fashions. Begging the question to be, what does really make us individuals?

For me, it is the fearlessness not to be normal. What's yours?

Studying Shenanigans (Challange)

So I am taking photos of people while we are working, and decided to upload these in a certain manner, with a challenge for you guys. Find the best story you can build from these photos, in the order they are in.

Lets the games begin.

Daniel.

Roberto.

Mike and Martina

Mike and Martina

John.

Marie Cini the first person to come up with a story gets the privilege of having it posted on the actual blog, the others put it in the comments and then we see which one is the best :)

The best gets placed along side Marie's :)

"Daniel : I have a thermos whatca gonna do about it bitch !!

Roberto : Not again !! 

Mike + Martina : What's that is it a bird ? A plane? 

Mike : I think it's John ! 

John: I'm a wizard !!! I shall turn your thermos into a boa for Samantha !!"