People

They come,

Always talking,                      never
Always running,                    stopping

Smiling together,                                    crying
Dancing in pairs,                                    alone

Watching movies,                                               standing
Eating meals,                                                      separated

They go.

Photo by Oscar Keys.

Steps and Echos

It's been a while since I blogged have been enjoying my new found freedom significantly if you could say. Been a while so I decided to talk a walk for some inspiration.

Chilly night and son warm whiskey in my stomach while walking in the middle of the road on a night where the roads are filled with half drunken and fully drugged people.

Alex you are an effing genius.

Hahaha

Oh man, you know the best part, and trust me, it's bloody beautiful l. The view is spectacular. Right now I got Coldplay playing in my head while watching a dtsrrt night packed with stars. I'm would say one of the charms of being in Gozo.

Yes peeps I like you so much that I am spending time typing this moment down to share it with you.

How do I best describe this?

Magical, although that wouldn't even begin to explain what I am feeling right now. It's a moment of pure calm and serenity.

Again as serene as a place can be in Gozo on carnival weekend but, one must enjoy themselves enough.

I must say I am lucky seeing a shooting star in this time of the year is hard and rare. Yet I happen to be lucky to see the passing moment as a piece of space, or if you want to be poetic about it a piece of star dust. Flys and starts descending to Earth burning in a moment of pure and absolute beauty.

If you are an old fart with no love for poetry you could say some space junk was incinerated and we have less space junk left in the atmosphere.

And with that I let you be to this night.

posted from Bloggeroid

Cooking

It is slowly becoming like a drug, putting the pan on the fire, slowly drizzling in oil and hearing the sizzle of the onions hitting the pan. Slowly releasing a beautiful aroma, driving your taste buds insane.

That is my new old hobby I guess, I saw this photo and it just made me want to share with you just some simple words on how amazing cooking is. It has become my alone time, slowly I began experimenting, and more of then than not failing miserably with tastes far to pungent and sauces which made your mouth burn in agony. Let alone your internal system, if you know what I mean.

Then a year and a half later, I got some people (Yes I am looking at you guys from common room) people hassle me to make curried tuna dips and aubergine  mash. While they labeled me the food guy, (Kinda sounds cool I guess).

BUT anyways

here

is

food!

Canned Tuna

Canned food, wonderful creation is it not? It stays there, retaining its relative tastiness for years on end. (Compare canned tuna and fresh tuna after 2 years and see which one is the more appetizing one).

However in the end, it has one thing, uniformity, its the same, some imperfections, some different brands. Yet at the heart of the matter its essentially the same copy. Why am I talking about canned tuna? Is it because I just ate one which left me moderately dissatisfied, but i convinced myself that it was the tastiest healthiest cheapest thing that I could carry around with me? Perhaps.

Or is it because recently my Facebook has been filled with the non stop posting about the deaths of famous people, may they rest in peace, with the 'Earthquake' that managed to shatter broadband across the country with people posting about how amazing it was. In the words of a friend of mine, hunting likes by posting about the earth quake  came in three shocks, the earthquake itself, the people making fun of the fact everyone was panicking and then the people telling the people to shut up. 

Then of course the deaths of so many famous people, who so many people are a fan of, who SO many more people became a fan of.  The point is, it turned people into canned food, canned food that cannot be any different than what it is similar. There is canned tuna, mackerel and even canned lobster ravioli (the things you find in the local grocery store are strange, varied and outright incredible.) The fact however remains, we have become easily categorized into pre-determined groups, labels, myself included.  

How did this happen? In an age that we have unlimited access to one of the vastest seas of knowledge that we ever have had. The internet, the websites we use them (again I am guilty as hell of this) for simply going though countless hours of scrolling though posts on Facebook which I have already seen. Watching YouTube trailers again and again and again, the same effect that opening the fridge once was, you open it thinking of finding something nice to eat. You then close it and open it again, only thing changing is your expectations of what you can find.

The internet, the age of information, has done something which it was not ment to do. It was ment to connect us, to help us broaden our minds, and yet it is managing to change us into identical copies, millions following fashion trends, hundreds of thousands listen to what a few people say and do what they are told. Those few people, are strong enough to for a small period of time express themselves, but then they also crash and burn.

However, we still do not understand how big and how strong the internet can be, we use it with out learning how to. We dive head deep into an ocean that is filled with a wealth of information that more often than not scares us. This is when we end up sticking to what we know, and just to that, creating our thought bubble and keep it solidly in place. 

Because as humans, what are we more afraid than anything else, we are afraid of what we do not know.

What am I saying in my long ramble?

Ask Google next time. 

He knows the answer to your question.

Yet is your question the correct one?

Dreams.

Dreams come,

They come from anywhere

Shadows from a memory distant past,

a fleeting breeze.

Perhaps a beam of light

hitting the window at an angle.

We do not know 

but everyday we try to make 

our dreams

into reality,

We live to make things occur,

We live to change,

morph

evolve

the world around us

make it 

ours

leave

our

print

When we do not,

When we ignore our dreams,

We start decaying inside

We feel the pain

Because we fight something that should be

Because we fight what we have to do.

This is why dreams

must

never 

be

forgotten. 

Day by Day

Waking up in the morning, thinking of only one thing. Trying to find a reason to get out of bed. Thinking, yea suicide that's a cool thing you could do, but you know it's not you, rather it's one small part of you which is dominant.

By the time you get out of the house, you already had your first panic attack, you have already suppressed the urge to scream at your toothbrush and at the same time merrily skip while making your coffee. It's all normal for you, yet you know if someone saw you, and just asked what was happening? You would not know how to answer that.

You get to university, in a merry mood, listened to some nice music and managed to clear your mind. However, that lecturer is droning on, and it's all wrong, all of it the way he is speaking, the way she is writing, the way that person is sitting down. I promise I am not insane, but these are things that one notice when they become hyper aware.

Controlling these mood swings, yea it's possible very easy in fact. It is simply understanding that this is just an irrational thought passing through your head. Yet, you are scared, constantly scared of letting a little tiny bit of it outside, because the moment you get too comfortable, the moment you allow yourself to become open just enough to show those around you.

YOU ARE LUCKY, if you just get a puzzled look. I have had people stop talking to me, suggest I go see help, or simply take medicine, you freak of nature. Well you want to know one thing, it's not easy, it's not easy keeping it all inside, it's not easy holding in your thoughts. Feeling that you cannot belong anywhere, lost and lonely in a crowd of friendly people. Putting on masks for people so they like you, only showing them what they want to see. This is where one person stops trusting others, this is where one person becomes scared of being who they are.

This is because who they are is scary to those around them. The closest friends, family to that person do not understand is that, it's hell a terrifying having someone else inside with you. It’s a sad and lonely world not being able to be who you feel that you need to be. Yes I understand sometimes it gets over the top, but a simple “hey calm down” is enough to tell me that yes this is getting too much. Let us take it down a notch.

I am not alone, I am that one crazy enough to not care about what people think. I am strong enough to stare you back in the face and tell you hell, you think i'm crazy, you're right. I am not normal, hence I am labeled as crazy, I am unusual so I get stigma.

I am struggling with depression, anxiety and mood swings . Yet I am not alone, I reach to others, I talk to others and I tell them of my struggles and they help me. Unfortunately, I am one of few. Where am I going with this, I am here to tell you how it feels to be inside this mind, a prison of its own rights. I am telling you, do not label someone crazy, talk to them. They just might need that feeling that they belong.

Humans of Common Room 2016

LET ME POSE!

Beta Psi ventures into coffee making.

Swagilisious.

Focus young one.

Its ALIVE!

ROCK ON!

I WANT TO BE FREE

Nothing to see here.

YES I AM STUDYING!

I will eat your soul.

Rare moment when Paki is awake.

Chunky going at it.

why are we even here.

GOOD BYE!